With traffic in Destin the past week at almost unbearable levels, I’ve had a lot of time to listen to XM Radio and if there’s one job that I don’t envy right now, it’s that of sports talk radio hosts. There is NOTHING going on right now in sports that anyone cares about. The All-Star game? Not really. NASCAR? Nope. It’ll likely be another sports-free weekend for yours truly unless Federer and Nadal meet in the Wimbledon final.. or Roddick and Nadal … ok, I guess I’ll be watching tennis Sunday morning.

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No, seriously…

Your mom told you not to play with fireworks.

Droughts are hurting winos as well.

A drunk 11-year-old girl led police on an 8-mile high-speed chase in Alabama last night.

To catch a toddler… Illinois police used the lure of a happy meal to catch a 4-year-old who had called 911 over 300 times.

A 5-year-old boy took a rabid fox at a cookout in North Carolina. Between the rabid foxes and the piranha, I’m officially scratching North Carolina off my list of places to visit before I die.

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The Indianapolis Star’s Bob Kravitz looks at how Pacers management has completely bungled this offseason.

Put all of Buffalo on suicide watch: The Edmonton Oilers have put in an seven-year, $50 million offer sheet in for restricted free agent forward Thomas Vanek, who had 43 goals last season. The Sabres have seven days to match the offer. Update: The Buffalo News is reporting that the Sabres will match Edmonton’s offer sheet.

Pittsburgh Pirates CEO Kevin McClatchy will step down at the end of the year. But not before the Bucs complete their 15th consecutive losing season.

Dhani Jones has signed with the Saints. Congratulations, New Orleans! You get a linebacker who dresses better than he plays. This guy was an absolute bum for the Eagles and I was ecstatic when the Birds gave him his walking papers. But look at this way, now the Saints linebacking corps features Mark Simoneau and Dhani Jones. Congrats, really.

The Arizona Republic’s Nick Piecoro wonders whether Randy Johnson was worth a $24 million commitment from the D-Backs as he goes back on the DL.

The Oklahoma football team will use helmets this season designed to detect the early signs of a head injury.

One San Fransisco Chronicle columnist thinks next week’s All-Star game is the most “overhyped” sporting event in the history of the Bay Area sports.

The Orlando Sentinel’s Mike Bianchi said he was disappointed to learn that Grant Hill had taken a deal with the Suns.

The Los Angeles Times Bill Plaschke thinks the Lakers need guard Derek Fisher to help steady the recently tumultuous franchise and help team chemistry. You know what else would help team chemistry? Kobe Bryant not ripping his teammates for two morons with a camera phone.

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Well-rounded news…

You have 12 hours to vote on Time’s New Seven Wonders of the World.

Fergie denies being paid by a clothing line to drop the name of the company in her lyrics. If you’re seriously looking to Fergie for musical integrity, you have problems that go well beyond listening to Fergie.

‘Who will buy Facebook?’ becoming hot question.

Microsoft will take a $1 billion hit this quarter because of the number of general hardware failtures on the XBOX 360.

The number of Facebook users is up 89% from last year and the demographics appear to be shifting from undergrads to postgrads and teens.

Interesting piece in BusinessWeek about the socioeconomic differences between MySpace and Facebook users. The author suggests that the two social networking sites may not be in direct competition after all.

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are writing another script.

Keith Olbermann urges Bush and Cheney to resign. I don’t necessarily agree with what he’s saying but I still think Olbermannis self-important and smarmy. And isn’t this just grandstanding? I mean do you really think the Prez and the Veep are at home watching MSNBC and listening to Olbermann’s indictment of their character and saying, “Oh, alright, Keith. You win!”

Avril Lavigne is being accused of plagiarizing her hit, “Girlfriend.” Wait, you mean to tell me that Avril Lavigne didn’t come up with that gem on her own?

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John Feinstein was right.. this really is the worst sports month of the year. My library of college football media guides have yet to arrive, baseball is something I endure rather than enjoy and the start of training camp is about three weeks away. I was thinking about blogging on the over-the-top theatrics of Serena Williams last night but I’ll bite my tongue.. everyone seems to think it was gutsy for reasons I’ll apparently never understand. She said in an interview that she was willing to die out there. I don’t know about you but I haven’t heard of anyone dying of leg cramps before but I’m sure there were some undocumented cases of leg cramp fatalities during the civil war. What I find most mystifying about watching that match is why she thought it would be a good idea to whack herself in the leg with her racquet. I mean I guess I can relate, when I have a headache at work I usually just take the handset of my phone and repeatedly thump myself in the face and head until my headache goes away or until I’m unconscious and bleeding from my ears. Serena, just play tennis. Spare me the performance.

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No, seriously…

Mayor Bloomberg identifies the real threat to the safety of New Yorkers this holiday weekend — unguarded beaches and pools.

Apparently, some people in Japan are still really sensitive about the whole atomic bomb thing.

I’m officially declaring this Arizona woman to be the nicest person on the planet.

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SHOCKING NEWS! Joakim Noah isn’t enough of a front court presence for the Bulls and the team is looking elsewhere for additional help.

It could be a sad end of the road for former Jazz and Lakers guard Derek Fisher.

Sabres fans aren’t the only ones hit hard by the departures of Daniel Briere and Chris Drury. This story reveals one very interesting twist to this story. According to the paper, the Sabres and Drury had agreed on a 4-year deal in the fall but a contract was never presented to Drury to sign. Nice.

A discussion on a Pittsburgh sports talk show about the planned walkout by Pirates fans at Saturday’s game turned heated. I watched the video on the TV station’s website and the altercation in question is about 20 minutes into a show where the central topics of discussion are Zach Duke, Freddy Sanchez and Jim Tracy. Trust me, it’s not worth it. But here’s the link anyway.

If this isn’t a sign that the world, as we know it, is coming to an end, I don’t know what is: Cavs forward and walking muscle spasm Anderson Varejao could make more than $6 million next year.

The Magic corralled free agent forward Rashard Lewis. Watch out for the Magic next year. They’re some good guard play away from being a very competitive team.

T.O. is suing a New York nightclub for using his likeness and name without his permission.

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Well-rounded news…

Drowned in Sound is not at all excited about the prospect of a Verve reunion.

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Inside Baseball

Media Shift’s Mark Glaser says the future of journalism is bright. While I think that most of this piece is maybe overly optimistic. There is one part that I find a little ridiculous, “Bloggers and Internet readers, though they may have personal agendas, provide a free supply of fact-checkers.” That’s a nice way of identifying the role of bloggers in mainstream media.

An unexpected head cold knocked me out this weekend and sent me to my couch to watch all three “EPIC-sodes” of MTV’s Made this weekend.. so no review of Ratatouille today but I’ve learned that apparently the lead singer of Yellowcard is considered a “superstar” by some.

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Apple Fanboy News..

Wired’s Cult of Mac blog spent the weekend performing an autopsy on the iPhone.

Tech blog CrunchGear is reporting that Apple will roll out MacBooks with “iPhone-like multi-touch functionality built into the touchpad later this year.” Is Steve Jobs squashing his beef with tablet computers?

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Pittsburgh Post-Gazette columist Bob Smizik believes Pirates fans should continue to criticize management despite the way Saturday’s walk-out kind of fizzled out.

The Knicks are hoping Zach Randolph can steady his “up and down life.” New York City is the perfect place for that, don’t you think?

Browns center LeCharles Bentley says he’ll be ready to go for training camp this year after a knee injury caused him to miss all of last season and threatened his career.

John Feinstein labels July “the worst month in sports.”

Madden 08 and NCAA Football 08 runs better on the XBOX 360 than on Sony’s PS3.

Four magazines that cover the NFL, including Athlon Sports and The Sporting News have picked the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl.

Seriously, fire Larry Bird. Their lone draft pick is expected to remain in Europe for the next three years.

The Orlando Sentinel’s David Whitley says Grant Hill owes it to the Orlando Magic to stick by the franchise that stuck by him.

The Houston Rockets are also courting free agent forward Rashard Lewis. Who would you want to play with Dwight Howard or all-around good guy and team player Tracy McGrady? Decisions, decisions.

Warriors fans are seriously bummed about the departure of Jason Richardson.

Newsweek’s Mark Starr wonders what happened to summer sports.

If you haven’t been there, the Portland Trailblazers website is amazing.. www.nba.com/blazers …

The Worldwide Leader Pat Forde picks up some college football preview mags.

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer’s Ted Miller wonders if there isn’t more to the sudden resignation of Mariners manager Mike Hargrove than meetings the eye.

 ranks the NFL owners 1-32. Dan Synder is a top-five owner.. No, seriously..

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Well-rounded news..

Universal Music Group is going to inform Apple that it will not renew the deal the company has with Apple’s iTunes music store.

An early review of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

The Chicago Tribune’s Julia Keller debates the “Great American Novel.”

A woman works at Los Alamos has admitted to using U.S. Government computers to stalk Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington. There was a fantastic story on this in last month’s Wired Magazine.

A British research group has determined that 68 percent of people who attend rock shows experience some kind of hearing loss afterwards. Earplugs people, they look lame but they could save your hearing.

New York Magazine is beginning to question its allegiance to “Entourage.” One of the questions The Daily Intelligencer poses is whether or not the show has always “been this obnoxious.” The answer to that question is yes. I hate, hate, hate, hate Entourage. With shows like Six Feet Under, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Deadwood, HBO has come to be known for its outstanding original programming. HBO is a Fox show that happens to air on HBO. There’s nothing clever about the series and none of the characters have ANY redeeming qualities.

 I had to come in late this morning because watching Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann on Letterman last night caused me to OD on smarm. But alas, I’m at my desk and here’s Today’s Line.

Denver Post sports writer Adrian Dater rips apart the Worldwide Leader, calling its talking heads, “a bunch of made-up clowns with microphones in hand.”

SI’s Richard Deitsch has an interesting Q&A with actor and Chicago sports nut John Cusack.

The Buffalo News is reporting that the Sabres have made an offer to free agent forward Daniel Briere. There is no word yet on whether the club is attempting to re-sign free agent and former captain Chris Drury.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette is reporting that Fox Sports Net has no intention of airing footage of a planned walk-out by fans at Saturday’s Pirates game. The fans are protesting management as the Bucs are well on their way to their 15th consecutive losing season. Hey Bud Selig, you wonder why baseball has become irrelevant, it’s because you’ve allowed the owners to get filthy stinking rich while the product on the field for most MLB teams stinks.

The Washington Post’s Michael Wilbon encourages NBA teams to draft big.

Georgia coach Mark Richt remembers a mission trip he and his family took to Honduras.

Ever wonder why sportswriters say hockey players are the easiest athletes to get along with? It’s because of stories like this.

The Dallas Morning News’ David Moore questions the plausibility of Kevin Garnett moving to Phoenix tonight in a draft day deal.

IGN explores one of Madden 08’s new features, Weapons.

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Well-rounded news..

Wired Magazine blog The Underwire wonders how good the new Disney/Pixar animated flick “Ratatouille” will be. If the review discussed in this post is any indication, it could be a good one. I’m planning to check it out Friday or Saturday night and could have a review up over the weekend or Monday morning. I do more than sports here, people.

Here are some reviews of the flick, none of which I will be reading prior to seeing the film.

Variety

Associated Press

Hollywood Reporter

Entertainment Weekly

Chicago Tribune

Seriously, who’s watching According to Jim?