__________

No, seriously…

Emus love Wal-Mart.

That’s news to me: VA tells woman she’s dead.

That’s assault, brotha: Schoolchildren in Colorado no longer allowed to play tag.

Woman makes it known that she’s paranoid and racist at San Fransisco airport.

British crooks try tunneling to ATM.

___________

Colorado QB Cody Hawkins on being “the coach’s kid.”

Hokies to honor shooting victims before Saturday’s game against ECU.

No favorites in Heisman race, says SI writer.

Gamecocks oft-arrested freshman quarterback Stephen Garcia gets redshirt.

ESPN takes over “Two-A-Days.”

Browns fans vote on Quinn’s coif, prefer it long.

Nice piece in the New York Times on Jets rookie linebacker David Harris.

A story in the Washington Post about the beasts USC has at linebacker.

Is the Big Ten overrated or did it have a bad week last year?

Hoosiers trying not to think about emotions as gameday without Hep approaches.

‘07 Gators have challenge ahead, say ‘97 Gators.

Georgia will be tested, says former Oklahoma State coach Les Miles.

Pac-10 has worst refs, coaches say.

Andy Reid should have stayed home to deal with family issues, Inquirer columnist says.

VT players prepare for rush of emotions Saturday afternoon.

Will Demetrius Jones start for Notre Dame Saturday?

Slate combs college message boards.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette picks the top college football games this year.

Ainge breaks pinkie, will start Saturday.

The AJC’s Tony Barnhart predicts the conference champions.

The Big 12 eyes a return to the top.

The Pac-10 needs to make a BCS stand.

UCLA, Cal poses biggest threat to USC’s Pac-10 supremacy.

Cal’s strategy is simple: get the ball in the hands of DeSean Jackson.

____________

Well-rounded news…

Trailer up for Steve Carell’s new movie “Dan in Real Life”

MTV bored enough to make reality television show about high school newspaper.

So why are Americans eating so much shrimp?

The producers of Lost sound off on Island’s new residents.

Is there a Magneto movie in the works?

Cinematical misses the pre-Earl Jason Lee.

RESTAURANT WARS, PART 2

Can’t say I didn’t see it coming.

Dale’s assessment the Restaurant April team of Casey, Brian, C.J. and Tre was pretty spot on. Last week, having missed the first 15 minutes of the show and turning it on and see the Restaurant April squad, I turned to my girlfriend and said, “That team is loaded.” For all intents and purposes, the food coming out of that kitchen should have been spectacular and it wasn’t. Not once, but twice.

Trying to figure out who to blame for that failure was the major task handed to our judges this week. Should it be C.J., who picked the team and then did a spectacular job of dodging any responsibilty? Or should it be Tre, whose salmon dish made Ted Allen jerk back in his chair as if he were being electrocuted?

Well it was Tre. And having figured that this week, we would see one of the heavy hitters go home, I gotta say, I’m not terribly disappointed. Do I think Tre was one of the best chefs in the competition? I absolutely do but maybe he tried to shoulder too much of the workload given C.J.’s complete and utter failure to lead a team that he selected. There are lots of things that team could have done differently. Instead of having Tre handling three courses in a five course dinner, have Brian make SOMETHING. ANYTHING. I’ll leave Casey alone on her dull knife and dull-er still knife skills. Did she not understand that ‘quickfire’ means things need to happen in an expedited fashion? Evidently not, by the way she was methodically cutting that onion as if she were performing an autopsy.

On the other side, I was really impressed with Sara M. who really stepped up this week and took over the kitchen for the Garage team. Howie continues to prove that he is an absolute moron and Sara probably, and unfortunately, saved him from elimination by telling him to redo his lamb chops, which I believe were still “Baaaaa-ing.” I lambasted Sara for being the competition’s weakest chef remaining but she proved her value this week and stepped up.

I will have to say that my hands-down favorite moment this week was when Sara informed Hung that they were cooking for the eliminated Sara and Joey, Hung’s response was “Who’s Sara and Joey?” And then when being told who they were, he responded, “nice.” Priceless stuff.

Given the previews, I have no idea who is going home next week and given what happened this week, it really could be anyone. I hope it’s Howie, who’s nonstop posturing and know-it-all attitude combined with his subpar performance in the kitchen, is wearing thin on yours truly. This could be the week where the sweaty Floridian is finally sent packing. Fingers crossed.

As always, Bravo’s bloggers have something to say about the second half of Restaurant Wars, including a very strong opinion from season 1 winner Harold Dieterle.

• Tom Colicchio
  
• Anthony Bourdain
• Ted Allen

__________

No, seriously… 

Chalk this up to things you wish you hadn’t read.

Croatia to build potato theme park.

__________

Some high school kids in Colorado just got a very good quarterback coach.

Pete Kendall looks to ruin another locker room on the eastern seaboard.

IU to remember Coach Hep at home opener.

ESPN’s Mark Schlabach says the Big Ten is at a very important crossroads.  Easiest schedules of ‘07.

Was lashing out at Tiki the best thing Eli could have done for himself in the Giants locker room?

New York Daily News’ Mitch Lawrence calls Stephon Marbury’s defense of Michael Vick, “sick.”

Donovan McNabb seeking answers about Jeremiah Trotter’s release.

Ben Allen to transfer from IU.  This is a little inside baseball but I never thought Allen was tough enough to play in the Big Ten. He was slow, frankly non-athletic at times and didn’t show he could be an effective low-post defender or scorer for that matter. When you’re 6′11,” you really ought to have some sort of an inside game and Ben Allen didn’t. I think the fact that he was from Australia and was recruited to IU shortly after Andrew Bogut became the #1 overall pick made him appealing to the IU fanbase but his game never matched the hype. 

Peyton Manning takes up for this little bro.

Interesting piece in The State (Columbia, S.C.) about how Steve Spurrier and Tommy Bowden set goals for their respective teams.

Golden Bears eying revenge after last year’s blowout at Rocky Top.

The AJC’s Tony Barnhart on five moments that will shape the SEC this year.

There is still no word on who will start at QB for Florida State.

The Oklahoman’s Berry Tramel thinks recently-named Sooners starter Sam Bradford is on a very short leash.

__________

Well-rounded news… 

American Gladiators set to make primetime return.

Justice League flick to be motion capture? Barf.

I TiVo’d Friday nights Minnesota/Jets preseason game knowing full well that I was really only interested in the first quarter to see how rookie Adrian Peterson would do along with first year starter Tavaris Jackson for the Vikes. What I saw was Chad Pennington put in the worst preseason performance by a starter that I’ve seen in a long time. On the flip side, Adrian Peterson looked fantastic. He is a strong, quick runner that will be giving tacklers fits all season long. I am not sure that is a more dangerous runner in the open field than AD. The jury is still out on Jackson. Because of Pennington’s slip-ups, Jackson only saw 2 or 3 series of work and spent a great deal of time handing the ball off to Chester Taylor and Peterson. The Vikings could be a very interesting team to watch this year.

Saturday, I watched an absolute ton of Survivorman as it was apparently the wrong weekend to sign up for a season pass of the show. I think at last count, I watched 5 episodes of the program and 7 still remain unwatched on my DVR. It’s pretty incredible stuff. I’ve also become addicted to the travel/food show No Reservations with Top Chef guest judge and blogger Anthony Bourdain. A really fun watch.

Last night, I caught the first bit of the Giants/Ravens preseason game and shook my head at how ineffective Eli Manning is as a quarterback. The Peyton comparisons are warranted and inevitable but ultimately pointless. Eli is and never will be half the quarterback and leader his brother is. But forget Peyton for a second. Where does Eli list on the greater list of NFL quarterbacks? Top 10? Absolutely not. He’s probably one of the top 15 quarterbacks in the league. One could argue that he may be the 15th-20th best quarterback in the league given that he has not exhibited, so far, anything closely resembling leadership qualities. If the Giants are going to be successful this year, they will need Eli Manning to take control of the reins and make this his team. I just don’t see that happening.

__________

No, seriously…

The mayor of Cincinnati might be a little too sensitive.

Brazil to offer free sex changes.

A plastic cut-out cop shooting a radar gun is slowing drivers down in Tennessee (insert Tennesee joke here.)

___________

ESPN’s Mark Schlabach makes five predictions for the SEC this year/the power in the conference is moving east.

Nets forward Richard Jefferson gives $3.5 million to his alma mater.

Giants defensive end Michael Strahan expected to end holdout by this weekend.

SI’s Peter King is reporting that Falcons owner Arthur Blank feels deeply betrayed by Michael Vick.

The U.S. Open holds tryouts for “ball people.”

THE DAILY BIRD 

• Philadelphia Inquirer’s Ashley Fox: Team has questions to answer.
• Les Bowen has something similar.
• Inquirer’s Phil Sheridan: All is right with Eagles, McNabb

New York Daily News writer dubs Virginia Tech “America’s Team.”

Brady Quinn a “knockout” in Browns debut.

Alabama corner Simeon Castille arrested for disorderly conduct.

Former USC tailback Emmanuel Moody not blaming USC for this transfer.

Dan Hawkins names son starting quarterback at Colorado.

___________

Well-rounded news… 

The Federal Trade Commission is still trying to block the Whole Foods/Wild Oats merger.

Dickens World will make your bratty kids grateful for what they have.

Veronica Mars’ Kristen Bell will join the cast of ‘Heroes.’

Kanye samples Steely Dan on new record.

J.K. Rowling is reportedly working on a detective novel.