__________

No, seriously…

Your mom told you not to play with fireworks.

Droughts are hurting winos as well.

A drunk 11-year-old girl led police on an 8-mile high-speed chase in Alabama last night.

To catch a toddler… Illinois police used the lure of a happy meal to catch a 4-year-old who had called 911 over 300 times.

A 5-year-old boy took a rabid fox at a cookout in North Carolina. Between the rabid foxes and the piranha, I’m officially scratching North Carolina off my list of places to visit before I die.

__________

The Indianapolis Star’s Bob Kravitz looks at how Pacers management has completely bungled this offseason.

Put all of Buffalo on suicide watch: The Edmonton Oilers have put in an seven-year, $50 million offer sheet in for restricted free agent forward Thomas Vanek, who had 43 goals last season. The Sabres have seven days to match the offer. Update: The Buffalo News is reporting that the Sabres will match Edmonton’s offer sheet.

Pittsburgh Pirates CEO Kevin McClatchy will step down at the end of the year. But not before the Bucs complete their 15th consecutive losing season.

Dhani Jones has signed with the Saints. Congratulations, New Orleans! You get a linebacker who dresses better than he plays. This guy was an absolute bum for the Eagles and I was ecstatic when the Birds gave him his walking papers. But look at this way, now the Saints linebacking corps features Mark Simoneau and Dhani Jones. Congrats, really.

The Arizona Republic’s Nick Piecoro wonders whether Randy Johnson was worth a $24 million commitment from the D-Backs as he goes back on the DL.

The Oklahoma football team will use helmets this season designed to detect the early signs of a head injury.

One San Fransisco Chronicle columnist thinks next week’s All-Star game is the most “overhyped” sporting event in the history of the Bay Area sports.

The Orlando Sentinel’s Mike Bianchi said he was disappointed to learn that Grant Hill had taken a deal with the Suns.

The Los Angeles Times Bill Plaschke thinks the Lakers need guard Derek Fisher to help steady the recently tumultuous franchise and help team chemistry. You know what else would help team chemistry? Kobe Bryant not ripping his teammates for two morons with a camera phone.

__________

Well-rounded news…

You have 12 hours to vote on Time’s New Seven Wonders of the World.

Fergie denies being paid by a clothing line to drop the name of the company in her lyrics. If you’re seriously looking to Fergie for musical integrity, you have problems that go well beyond listening to Fergie.

‘Who will buy Facebook?’ becoming hot question.

Microsoft will take a $1 billion hit this quarter because of the number of general hardware failtures on the XBOX 360.

The number of Facebook users is up 89% from last year and the demographics appear to be shifting from undergrads to postgrads and teens.

Interesting piece in BusinessWeek about the socioeconomic differences between MySpace and Facebook users. The author suggests that the two social networking sites may not be in direct competition after all.

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are writing another script.

Keith Olbermann urges Bush and Cheney to resign. I don’t necessarily agree with what he’s saying but I still think Olbermannis self-important and smarmy. And isn’t this just grandstanding? I mean do you really think the Prez and the Veep are at home watching MSNBC and listening to Olbermann’s indictment of their character and saying, “Oh, alright, Keith. You win!”

Avril Lavigne is being accused of plagiarizing her hit, “Girlfriend.” Wait, you mean to tell me that Avril Lavigne didn’t come up with that gem on her own?

__________

I’m thinking this is going to be the format of the blog for a little while. I’ll include a mini-take and then the daily line of links and stories on my news reader that I find of interest — at least until it becomes logical to talk about college or pro football.

This is just a note to the Worldwide Leader, competitive eating is not a sport in any way, shape or form. I find it anatomically impressive that Joey Chestnut can shove 66 hot dogs in his face but I do not and will never consider that to be an athletic feat. Oh and another thing, this “bracket” of who’s the most popular athlete is a ridiculous and pointless exercise. Does anyone really care if LT is more popular than David Beckham? Or if Dwyane Wade is more “now” than Shaun White?

__________

No, seriously…

Al Gore’s son was jailed on drug possession charges yesterday in California. What’s notable about this story isn’t that it involves Al Gore or drugs but that police clocked Albert Gore III going 100 MPH in his Toyota Prius. I didn’t even know you could get a Prius up to 100. I wonder if the cops pulled him over just to ask him how he did it.

Someone caught a piranha last week in North Carolina.

‘08 presidential hopeful John Edwards paid $1,250 in Atlanta for a haircut before the 2004 election.

Chinese villagers have been eating and sell prehistoric dinosaur bones.

__________

The Worldwide Leader’s Gene Wojciechowski tries to understand why David Beckham’s U.S. debut on the July 13 is such a big deal.

LSU coach Les Miles slurps the greatness of the SEC and rips the Pac-10, specifically USC. I would looooove to see a USC/LSU bowl game this year.

The NFL has officially lost it. The Associated Press is reporting that the league is only going to let news organizations post 45 seconds of game footage online per day.

The Maryland State Youth Soccer Association is taking a stand against out of control coaches.

The Buffalo News’ Allen Wilson believes Sabres fans will get over their frustration over the recent departure of co-captains Daniel Briere and Chris Drury.

The Detroit Free-Press examines what you can do with your $600 besides spending it on an iPhone.

Chauncey Billups’ agent calls a report that his client signed a five-year deal with the Pistons, “a vicious rumor.” The language used seems a bit dramatic but then again the Chick Fil-A chicken nuggets I had at lunch today were a culinary masterpiece the likes of which have never been achieved in the history of food.

Thanks for the memories. Grant Hill has bolted Orlando for the Phoenix Suns.

Father of Tulsa quarterback calls Mahlzan’s offense, “recess.” But in a good way?

__________

Well-rounded news…

A fight is brewing between college presidents and U.S. News and World Report.

• An editoral in today’s Philadelphia Inquirer.
• Newsweek’s Robert Samuelson says the presidents are trying to censor U.S. News and World Report.

Techblog Valleywag on how to be a better “friend” on social networking sites.

Entertainment Weekly gives mid-term grades to the PS3, Wii and XBOX 360.

Time’s Richard Schickel takes a look at Werner Herzog’s Vietnam flick “Rescue Dawn.” 

J.J. Abrams “mystery” project.

Newsweek takes a look at the implications of Universal Music Group’s public spat with Apple’s iTunes Music Store.

__________

Inside Baseball..

Will staff cuts at major newspapers around the country mean a return to the kind of journalism of the 70s? 

__________

Apple Fanboy News..

Wired’s Cult of Mac blog spent the weekend performing an autopsy on the iPhone.

Tech blog CrunchGear is reporting that Apple will roll out MacBooks with “iPhone-like multi-touch functionality built into the touchpad later this year.” Is Steve Jobs squashing his beef with tablet computers?

__________

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette columist Bob Smizik believes Pirates fans should continue to criticize management despite the way Saturday’s walk-out kind of fizzled out.

The Knicks are hoping Zach Randolph can steady his “up and down life.” New York City is the perfect place for that, don’t you think?

Browns center LeCharles Bentley says he’ll be ready to go for training camp this year after a knee injury caused him to miss all of last season and threatened his career.

John Feinstein labels July “the worst month in sports.”

Madden 08 and NCAA Football 08 runs better on the XBOX 360 than on Sony’s PS3.

Four magazines that cover the NFL, including Athlon Sports and The Sporting News have picked the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl.

Seriously, fire Larry Bird. Their lone draft pick is expected to remain in Europe for the next three years.

The Orlando Sentinel’s David Whitley says Grant Hill owes it to the Orlando Magic to stick by the franchise that stuck by him.

The Houston Rockets are also courting free agent forward Rashard Lewis. Who would you want to play with Dwight Howard or all-around good guy and team player Tracy McGrady? Decisions, decisions.

Warriors fans are seriously bummed about the departure of Jason Richardson.

Newsweek’s Mark Starr wonders what happened to summer sports.

If you haven’t been there, the Portland Trailblazers website is amazing.. www.nba.com/blazers …

The Worldwide Leader Pat Forde picks up some college football preview mags.

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer’s Ted Miller wonders if there isn’t more to the sudden resignation of Mariners manager Mike Hargrove than meetings the eye.

SI.com’s Michael Silver ranks the NFL owners 1-32. Dan Synder is a top-five owner.. No, seriously..

__________

Well-rounded news..

Universal Music Group is going to inform Apple that it will not renew the deal the company has with Apple’s iTunes music store.

An early review of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

The Chicago Tribune’s Julia Keller debates the “Great American Novel.”

A woman works at Los Alamos has admitted to using U.S. Government computers to stalk Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington. There was a fantastic story on this in last month’s Wired Magazine.

A British research group has determined that 68 percent of people who attend rock shows experience some kind of hearing loss afterwards. Earplugs people, they look lame but they could save your hearing.

New York Magazine is beginning to question its allegiance to “Entourage.” One of the questions The Daily Intelligencer poses is whether or not the show has always “been this obnoxious.” The answer to that question is yes. I hate, hate, hate, hate Entourage. With shows like Six Feet Under, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Deadwood, HBO has come to be known for its outstanding original programming. HBO is a Fox show that happens to air on HBO. There’s nothing clever about the series and none of the characters have ANY redeeming qualities.