In the words of the famous (and Western New York’s own) Nick Bakay: Push.

Both of this guys have a shtick that we’ve seen before. It’s nothing new here folks. You know what you’re getting with DP. You’re getting his heterosexual lifemate Keith Olbermann, you’re getting the widow’s peak, the weekly Reggie Miller appearances on the radio show, the daily Adam Sandler name-drops and of course, his trademark, suffocating smarm. Ditto for “Riles,” as he was called by Patrick when he used to appear on Patrick’s radio show. You’re getting an occasionally clever column, some cliché pop culture references, favorite targets include Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, some golf columns and the Albom-esque tearjerker usually involving parents of kids who have killed themselves, died in car accidents and/or donated organs to thankful now-living folks wracked with guilt. I’ve seen it before. None of it’s clever, none of its new and none of it is noteworthy.

The real question though is what will fill the backpages of two, seemingly rival but completely different sports publications. I speak, of course, of Sports Illustrated and ESPN: The Magazine. I’m hoping, as a subscriber, that SI opts to groom a young columnist and give him a chance to shine or lure George F. Will away from Newsweek and write some heady, statistic-laden baseball columns that no one not wearing a bow tie can understand. I hope they don’t consider publishing some version of the dopey, Dan Patrick “outtakes” that formerly ran in ESPN: The Mag. Let’s see some originality from the most authoritative sports publication in the country. SI is the Time Magazine of sports and now that it’s tricky pony has jumped ship for the Worldwide Leader, the magazine will be left with a very interesting choice.

Monday I mentioned seeing the trailer for The Kingdom and being really excited about it. One of the other trailers before the Bourne Ultimatum was for Ridley Scott’s American Gangster staring Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe and… Common. Check it out.

Click here to view the embedded video.

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No, seriously…

A 10-year-old accidentally locked himself in a gun safe at a Massachusetts’ Sam’s Club.

An Australian cattle rancher spent a week in a tree after falling off his horse in a swamp chock-full of alligators.

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ESPN has launched bracket-style tournament to decide which conference will be strongest in 2007.

• ACC vs. Big 12
• Pac 10 vs. Mountain West
• WAC vs. Conference USA
• WAC vs. SEC

SI writer says USC freshman Joe McKnight is the second coming of Reggie Bush.

Fanhouse’s Pac 1o preview.

• Coaches on the hot seat.
• The teams not named USC or Cal.
  
• Top 5 games.
  
• Most underrated players.

A member of the Rutger’s Women’s Basketball team is suing Don Imus for defamation of character. This woman doesn’t have a snowball’s chance of winning this suit because her attorneys will have a very difficult time showing that she was specifically damaged by a comment that was made about a group of individuals, comments where no one was named individually. It would be the equivalent of someone saying that all Destin Log reporters were illiterate and possibly in-bred and then me trying to sue that person for defamation. You can’t sue someone for hurting your feelings — at least not yet.

John Smallwood on why it’s ok to overreact about the Eagles’ preseason snooze-fest. The Eagles are apparently not worried.

The New York Times says the greatest threat to Michael Vick’s future in the NFL may not be dogfighting specifically but rather the money he may or may not have gambled on dogfighting.

Giants rookie wideout Steve Smith has the Giants very excited.

Indiana football players will wear a helmet decal and a patch on their jerseys in memory of Coach Hep.

Photo: Sam Riche/ Indianapolis Star

The AJC’s Tony Barnhart lists his must-watch games of 2007.

With a bunch of youth and inexperience, the Orlando Sentinel’s Dave Curtis says Florida will experience some growing pains in ‘07.

Going to Broncos’ games help Darrent Williams’ mother cope with her son’s death.

Ankle problems seem to be plaguing Florida wide receiver Percy Harvin.

An interesting piece on hetero-lifemates, Urban Meyer and Billy Donovan, which features this photograph:

Whoever pranked neanderthal tight end Jeremy Shockey is officially my new hero.

Dan Patrick is back on ESPN radio for the next three days and word is Colin Cowherd will not be taking his place.

Peter King’s All-Future team.

Apparently there was a confrontation at a UCLA pick-up game between Baron Davis and USC FRESHMAN O.J. Mayo. You don’t think this kid’s going to be a total headache, do you Tim Floyd? Good luck.

The AJC’s Terence Moore thinks if Michael Vicks takes a plea deal, he’ll likely be banned from the NFL for a long time.

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Well-rounded news… 

An interesting take on journalistic objectivity and politics.

Peer-to-peer file sharing network Lime Wire appears to be going legit.

My So-Called Life movie not likely, says Claire Danes.

The Knocked Up dvd will hit stores Sept. 25 with three editions.

Daft Punk is looking to release a live CD.

Site of Coachella 300 years overdue for a massive earthquake.

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No, seriously…

Dressing monkeys in diapers with the beautification of a city in mind.

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The phenomenon of 7-0n-7.

The wife of troubled Devil Ray Elijah Dukes makes some very strong accusations in the couple’s divorce proceedings.

Duke football turns to the university’s business school for help with program.

The Baltimore Sun’s Rick Maese thinks Beckham’s arrival will have little effect on the perception of the MLS stateside.

A Virginia Tech golfer uses tragedy as motivation to win British Amateur.

The Indiana High School Athletic Association has no plans to test the state’s high school athletes for steroids. I think this is a huge mistake. As someone who played high school football in the state of Indiana I can tell you that some kids are looking for anyway to get a competitive advantage and get noticed by college scouts. What you don’t want is kids taking these easy-to-get OTC supplements and playing drugstore cowboy and taking whatever they want, however they want. It’s a shame that the state has opted not to join Florida, New Jersey and Texas on the forefront of this issue.

The State (Columbia, S.C.) looks at the effect the Confederate flag has on the state’s athletes.

Former Houston Oilers remember their first training camp in Nashville.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution’s Tony Barnhart says Arkansas has the SEC’s easiest schedule.

LeBron James will host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live in the fall.

ESPN’s Steve Davis says the competition in the MLS is tougher than most people think.

USAToday’s takes a pre-season look at the Philadelphia Eagles.

The Boston Globe’s Peter May is not too impressed with the Magic signing forward Rashard Lewis.

The Worldwide Leader’s Gene Wojciechowski talks about the Beckham press conference last Friday.

Former Worldwide Leader talking head, and one of the Bottom Line’s most self-important people in sports, Dan Patrick to be brought to you in every way, shape and form.

The NFL has officially lost it.

Minnesota coach Tim Brewster has dismissed four Golden Gophers from the team in connection to an ongoing sexual assault case. Hmm, no one’s been convicted but the coach still had the integrity to kick them off the team. Getting any ideas, Arthur Blank?

Gary Player says there is steroid use in golf.

Cell phones have been banned from this year’s British Open.

CBS Sportsline’s Mike Freeman ranks the top 10 dirtiest college football programs.

Minnesota Wild goon Derek Boogaard teaches little kids how to properly throw down on the ice. What a complete moron this guy is. Any parent of a young hockey player with a functioning brain wouldn’t think of taking their kids to this stupid thing.

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Well-rounded news…

The last installment of the Harry Potter series hits eyeballs a week early.

You might want to re-think taking that homemade iPod charger through airport security.

Wired’s Epicenter blog wonders if Digg will shut down posts and comments with the address to the pirated copy of the last Harry Potter book.

iPhones shut down Duke University wi-fi.

The New York Daily News’ Jack Mathews lists his favorite flicks of ‘07 so far.

A nice look at VH1’s weekly skankfest “Rock of Love.”

Tim Russert would love to have Bruce Springteen on “Meet the Press”.

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is saying there are no Facebook IPO plans — yet.

Zach Braff and creator Bill Lawrence has confirmed that this will be the last season of Bottom Line fave ‘Scrubs’.

Fox’s ‘House’ is getting some new blood for season four.

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No, seriously…

A former Marine took down and lectured a bank robber as he waited for the police to arrive.

An 87-year-old Utah man disappeared from his home and turned up 48 hours later — in Pennsylvania.

An enlisted Bronx man and his wife allegedly hired a hitman to shoot the man in the leg so he wouldn’t have to go back to Iraq.

A man burst into a BBQ near the Capitol in Washington, D.C. and tried to rob everyone. He ended up staying and having a lovely evening.

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The second half of the Fanhouse’s ranking of the best quarterbacks in the SEC.

Could smarmy Dan Patrick be replaced on ESPN radio by the even smarmier Keith Olbermann?

A Milwaukee TV station is reporting that the Packers are reportedly interested in a deal for disgruntled Chiefs running back (and fantasy football God) Larry Johnson. By the way, this is the stupidest name for a sports blog that I’ve ever seen. Only in broadcast…

NFL.com’s Vic Carruci looks at the players most in need of a comeback in ‘07.

New York Magazine’s look at minor league baseball in the area. I’ve always believed minor league baseball games were much more fun than a game in a Major League stadium — not to mention less expensive. One of my favorite ballparks ever is Victory Field in downtown Indianapolis. It’s a quaint, clean stadium set against the skyline of downtown Indy. Great place to watch a night ballgame.

It’s going to cost Pitt $100,000 to rip up a custom made tile of its old logo in the Petersen Events Center. Someone in the athletic department is OCD.

The Indianapolis Star’s Bob Kravitz takes a parting shot at F-1, who announced it would no longer host its U.S. Grand Prix at the Indy Motor Speedway. Having lived in Indiana and in the Indianapolis area for more than half of my life, the F-1 race always finished third, to the Brickyard and the 500, in its relevance and importance to Indianapolis. Indy will be fine without F-1.

The Colts have de-activated Corey Simon, putting him on the PUP list — and he’s not even sure why.

The State (Columbia, S.C.) takes a look at the best and worst things that could happen to Clemson coach Tommy Bowden in ‘07.

There’s some static between Kevin Durant and his agent over Durant’s shoe deal.

Mark Cuban has applied with Major League Baseball to purchase the Chicago Cubs. This is great for the Cubs but I would love to see Cuban take off a slumping franchise, say the Pirates, and turn them into a winner.

Great New York Times story about the cross earing worn by Barry Bonds.

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Well-rounded news…

Valleywag’s Nick Denton on why Facebook isn’t the new Google.

LA Weekly’s Nikki Finke takes on Hollywood PR maven Mike Sitrick’s promotion of the new torture flick ‘Captivity’.

Thunderstorms and iPods are apparently not a great combination.

Apparently the CEO of Whole Foods Market has bigger problems than using an alias to pimp his stock on a messge board.

Florida Gov. (and Republican) Charlie Crist said the state will lower its CO2 emissions and make use of alternative energy sources.

Pop Candy’s favorite things this week include Bottom Line favorite Top Chef.