Until Kristy Lee Cook goes home, she has to be the favorite to leave every week because she’s simply not a good singer. She almost completely butchered You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away. More bizarre to me than her horrific singing was her banter with the judges afterward, particularly one moment where she pointed at Simon and proclaimed “I can blow your socks off and you know it!” It was as if Kristy Lee Cook had got tired of hearing she had no personality and decided to sass it up a bit. Kristy, too little, too late.

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There are no shortage of easy targets this week and Amanda Overmyer and Ramiele Malubay could easily be the ones picked off this week but I think the shine’s off the apple with Michael Johns. Two sub-par to mediocre performances in consecutive weeks have the Aussie in serious danger of going home in the forseeable future. His urgency to explain that he chose “A Day in the Life” last night because it was the favorite song of a dead friend smacked of desperation.

You know when you give a friend some well-intended advice and they take it way too seriously and end up making things worse? That’s what happened when the judges told Kristy Lee Cook that she’d be better off in the competition accenting her country roots. Cook’s yee-haw, knee-slapping version of The Beatles’ Eight Days a Week was a hot mess and hopefully will be enough to send Cook back to Oregon this week.

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I don’t know which was more depressing and boring, Ramiele’s  day job as a soy sauce slinger (borrowing a phrase from the unspeakably lame David Cook) or her rendition of “In My Life.” Two weeks in a row the pint-sized Malubay has been accused of holding back by the judges and if she phones it in next week, she will soon find herself filling little cups of soy sauce again.

GUYS

For a square-jawed dude with a five o’clock shadow, Menard sure does have an  awfully girly-sounding voice. This was a long time coming. I think he could have gone home last week but managed not to suck as bad as Robbie Carrico and the cruise boat performer Jason Yeager. Not the case this week, on a night of pretty alright performances Menard opened with a Wham! tune, not at all helping his image as a girly singer. It’s lights out for Luke.

This kid is too bizarre for words and I think America has tired of his 80s Valley girl attitude, on stage and off, and his performances haven’t been strong enough to justify keeping him around. I hope he and his emo kid haircut are sent packing this week. I simply don’t think I can handle another week of Noriega strutting around the stage like Mick Jagger.

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I officially declared war on the dreadlocked one after he squeaked his way through Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah this week. I acknowledge that it is a tough song choice but if you don’t have the voice to really nail it, don’t even think about it. His vocals don’t match that of David Archuleta, David Hernandez and maybe even Michael Johns and when interviewed, he is only slightly more coherent than Paula. If you don’t have the voice, you need the personality to win over voters and unfortunately, Castro has neither.

GIRLS 

  Kady Malloy is the worst performer on the show, far and away. She’s genuinely awful and deserved to go home last week. If she’s not gone after tonight, there’s a fair chance Simon will resort to accuse her of war crimes next week to get her sent home.

No charisma. No personality.  No stage presence. The worst dresser on a show chock full of bad dressers.  The judges gave her credit for Country-fying Journey’s Faithfully but I didn’t think she went far enough. Yes, there was a steel guitar that appeared at brief moments during of the song and yes, she sang with a slight accent for certain parts but it just wasn’t enough but it just wasn’t enough. Simon was right, as he often is (except for this week, did he really like Jason Castro’s Hallelujah and Amanda Overmyer’s Joan Jett cover?), Cook is forgettable and I hope to start forgetting she was even on the show after tonight.

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Another contestant who managed to not suck bad enough to get themselves sent home this week. She is, behind Kady Malloy, the least vocally talented performer still in the competition. She predictably did a Joan Jett song, which I contend was carried mostly by the back-up singers, and it was typical Overmyer. Lost of wailing and howling and very little actual singing. She deserves to go home ASAP, it just may not be this week.

7:03 p.m. - Asia’h Epperson comes out and tries to kick it off with Whitney Houston’s “I Want to Dance With Somebody” and it sounded pretty good. She really needs to work on her diction and really enunciate every word but by and large, it was a pretty strong performance from a girl who needed a strong performance after last week. Randy Jackson name drops Whitney Houston before praising Epperson, saying it was hot. Paula, more medicated than ever, said her for nailing it. Simon said it was too much like an impersonation of Whitney Houston. Epperson gets through, no questions asked. A good start for the girls who were god awful all the way through last week.

7:10 p.m. - Kady Malloy, who is far and away the least talented performer on the show, comes out and proves why she deserved to go home last week, wailing through Queen’s “Who Wants to Live Forever.” The song really lends itself to Malloy’s background as an opera singer but its harmonies are really lost on the tonally-challenged Malloy. Randy thought it was pretty good but not great. Paula said it was her greatest performance to date, which isn’t saying a whole lot. Simon says she has “a massive lack of personality” and calls her robotic. She’s out.

7:16 p.m. - Another girl that should have gone home last week, Amanda Overmeyer comes out and predictably does Joan Jett’s “I Hate Myself for Loving You.” The song was really sung by back-up singers. They must have turned Overmeyer’s microphone or something because you couldn’t hear her during the chorus at all. She did a bit of her patented screaming and it was awful. Randy Jackson said it was well done for reasons I’ll never understand. Paula praises her hair and says she’s found her niche. Simon said it was fantastic and I wonder if sometimes he doesn’t just say the opposite of what people expect him to for his own amusement. I still think she deserves to go home but it may wait a week after the judges’ rave reviews.

7:24 p.m. - Carly Smithson comes out in pants up to her neck and does Cyndi Lauper’s “I Drove All Night.” I feel about it how I felt about David Archuleta’s Phil Collins cover last night. It was restrained, solid, consistent and just OK. Randy and Paula loved but Simon said it was the wrong choice and says Smithson is a million times better than the song she chose and would have to agree. Smithson gets through and is still the best girl in the competition.

7:29 p.m. - Kristy Lee Cook, the Idol contestant most likely to be dressed by the staff at Fashion Bug, does Journey’s “Faithfully” and really struggles. The run she tries out at the end is just crap and a mess of mismashed notes. Randy, who can’t help himself but name drop Journey and that he worked with him, likes it because its Journey. Paula said it could be a country single. Simon calls her forgettable and she’s, at best, the 10th best girl in the competition. She’s in serious jeopardy of going home, she’s just too nice.

7:37 p.m. - Ramiele Malubay comes out and does Phil Collins’ Against All Odds, a song covered by The Postal Service if you thought it sounded familiar. I like the way the song moved and got bigger toward the end but it never took off the way it could have. Randy said it was good but Malubay needs to let go a little matter. Paula rambled about mutts and colors before saying Ramiele needed to be in the top 12. Simon said it was old-fashioned and predictable. I would have loved the peformance and felt sure of Malubay going through if that song would have gone on for another minute but it felt premature and abrupt. She could be in serious jeopardy this week.

7:47 p.m. - Brooke White comes out acoustic to Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield.” I liked the way this song started off but the rest of the performance was a little off-key and honestly a little boring. It just didn’t go anywhere and the original is anything but. Randy said he really liked it but didn’t think she brought anything new to it. Paula called it pure and wishes that the song would have built into something climatic with the band backing towards the end. Simon said it worked because there wasn’t a band and that she made it into her own. Brooke makes it through despite being not all that talented vocally.

7:52 p.m. - Syesha Mercado finishes the show with Whitney Houston’s “Saving All My Love for You.” The song has a couple of bright spots and shows that Mercado can sing but there was nothing exciting or innovative about this performance. A little old-fashioned, predictable and unspectacular. Gets “good” across the board as the show races to a close in time to end by 8:00 p.m. She gets through no problems. Being pretty is only going to get this girl so far and needs to stand out a little more.

A batch of performances much like the boys last night. No one was absolutely terrible. The four in jeopardy are Kady Malloy (who is out of here), Amanda Overmeyer, Kristy Lee Cook, and Ramiele Malubay who has a great, great voice but isn’t a strong enough performer in the truest sense of the word. The best part of the night, far and away, was when Ryan Seacrest announced that former idol Blake Lewis would be performing tomorrow night and someone in the audience vocally deflated. You honestly heard them go “Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” I share that sentiment, random audience member. Prepare for some beat boxing.

7:03 p.m. Luke Menard is first. Apparently it’s 80s night. The night gets an ominous start with Menard laboring through Wham!’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” Just awful, bizaree and horrendous. Randy called it corny. Paula tries not to criticize a bad performance before inexplicably commenting that she loves it. Simon calls it girly and said there’s no chance he makes it to the final 12. See ya, Luke and not a moment too soon.

7:09 p.m. David Archuleta belts out Phil Collin’s Another Day in Paradise, a song that I remember loving from my childhood as my dad was a big Collins fan and a big fan of Genesis. I didn’t like the rendition and thought it suffered by comparison to the original. It seemed reserved and restrained. Randy Jackson called it “nice.” Paula said she liked the off notes because it proved he wasn’t perfect. Simon said it wasn’t as good as last week and said he was becoming too gloomy and needs to lighten up. He makes it through easily but a good performance by another guy or girl this week could see someone else take the front-runner position from the pixie-like Archuleta.

7:19 p.m. Danny Norriega does a bizarre cabaret version of Tainted Love. I think the arrangement is horrific as are Norriega’s awkward attempts to sex up the song by moving his head a lot and strutting around. What’s interesting about Tainted Love was while it was made popular by Soft Cell in 1981, it was actually originally recorded in 1964. Should this disqualify Norriega? Randy said he likes it but wants to see some conviction, he calls the flamboyant Norriega vocally shy. Paula rambles incoherently for a while before complimenting him on being true to himself and telling him to get the purple streaks out of his hair. Simon calls it horrible and absolutely useless. I think Norriega is in serious danger of being voted off but a couple bad performances later tonight night by Chikeze or another of the other guys could keep him around a week.

7:24 p.m. David Hernandez belts out a pretty strong rendition of “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now.” I think Hernandez is a dark horse in this competition and could threaten Archuleta as the top boy. Randy said it was good but he overshot the notes at times but complimented the song choice. Paula says he’s becoming a good performer and that he has some of the best vocals in the competition. Simon said he prefers Hernandez’s voice when singing more soulful songs. Hernandez then attempts to schmooze with the judges about his choose, which comes off a little disingenuous and cheesy. He’ll have plenty of time to trade fashion tips with the judges for a couple more weeks — he’s through easily.

7:32 p.m. Michael Johns comes out with Don’t You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds. At first I thought I was going to really like this, as I’ve not been a Johns fan so far. The verses and choruses were a little shaky but he ended strong. Randy said he loved it, despite confusing Simple Minds who were Scottish and with INXS who were Australian, as Johns is. Paula said he’s unique and different. Simon said he likes it but said he hasn’t had his breakout moment yet and calls him a wannabe rockstar despite finishing his critique by saying that he “really, really” likes him. He gets through easily but I don’t see him as one of the final two guys.

7:40 p.m. David Cook straps on his guitar for a second week in a row and does a rock version of Lionel Richie’s Hello. I really honestly hate this — I hate it a lot. I think it’s creative but I think he’s using the guitar as a crutch and it distracts from some of the problem with his vocals. The beginning of the song was a total nightmare. Randy said the performance was emo and “brilliant.” Paula calls it fabulous and said she believes he’s going to be a “great, shining star.” Simon said it was brave and that he loved it, kind of surprising considered the harsh words he had for the thinning-haired corporate rocker. He’s through, hands down but can’t hold a candle vocally to Archuleta or Hernandez but could vie for that third-best dude spot with Johns.

7:44 p.m. Jason Castro comes out, sans guitar, and does Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” The song, for me, suffers by comparison to the Jeff Buckley cover, one of the most beautiful covers ever. Castro doesn’t have the voice to carry the song and you could tell he was reaching for notes that he just doesn’t have. Randy said it’s brave but doesn’t comment on what he thought of the performance. Paula rambles on about how good it is… clearly the medication is kicking in. Simon pledges his love for the Buckley version and then dumps praise on Castro, who appears to be about as coherent as Paula. I think he goes through and it breaks my heart to see him screech through one of my favorite songs ever. I officially have disdain for Jason Castro and will openly campaign for his departure until he is sent home, which if not this week will certainly be next week or the week after. He just doesn’t have the voice, period.

7:53 p.m. Chikeze comes out and does a song that I honestly don’t recognize. I’ve seen this before from Chikeze. He smiles a lot, kind of shuffles from side and hits a couple good notes. It’s boring. Randy said he thought it was really good and compliments the song choice. Paula said his vocals sounded really good tonight. Simon said it didn’t work and called it cabaret and didn’t think singing a song recorded by Whitney Houston to be a bad idea. I think people may forget to vote for Chikeze. He could go home this weekend.

Paula describes the night’s performances with two words: “Phu-Nomenal.” You really can’t make this stuff up. I think there are four people in serious jeopardy this week. Danny Norriega, Chikeze, Luke Menard (who is going home this week, without question) and Jason Castro.

So thanks to my girlfriend, I’m addicted to American Idol from last season. I had never watched the show prior to last season when her and I watched and fell in love with Ray LaMontagne-singing, Jack Osborne clone Chris Sligh and now I’m hooked.

Now, I feel the need to discern between what I believe to be American Idol and the four-week whistle-stop freak show around the country where people that, you’d have to assume, realize they have no talent opt to go on national television and embarrass themselves. It’s far too mean-spirited and just not for me. I don’t start watching until the Final 24. So here we are, we saw four people go home last week and here are the four I believe will be heading back home tonight.

GUYS

This was a guy that I’d never really taken to and thought his performance last week of Three Dog Night’s “One” was alright but not attention-grabbing and his bad cover band-esque rendition of Foreigner’s “Hot Blooded” will send the former boy bander back to Melbourne, Fla. Randy Jackson said he wasn’t sure that rock was Carrico’s thing even though he dresses the part. Well if rock isn’t his thing, then what is? There’s only room on this show for one corporate rocker and for now David Cook and his inexplicably cheesy hair has that distinction.

I thought Jason Yeager deserved to go home last week and had it not been for the terrible performances of Colton Berry and the elfin Garrett Haley, Yeager and that weird streak of blonde hair would have left us last week. And I think we all would have been better off. Yeager’s performance of The Doobie Brothers’ Long Train Running, in which he grinned like an idiot through the entire thing, was schmaltzy and vapid.

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It pains me to have to prognosticate the departure of a fellow Hoosier from the program but Menard’s looks will only get him so far in this competition because the 29-year-old from Crawfordsville just isn’t that good. I thought he deserved to go home last week and he gets up there this week and tries to do Queen? Are you serious? Thankfully Jason Yeager is boring and Robbie Carrico is a complete poser otherwise Menard would be heading home to clean carpets. I haven’t liked either of his performances and wouldn’t be disappointed if he’s sent packing a week early.

GIRLS

The worst performances on a night of poor performances (save Carly Smithsen’s pitch-perfect rendition of Heart’s Crazy on You). Forget that she almost ate it coming down the stairs, Malloy labored through Heart’s Magic Man and never found the song. It was off-key, dull and generally terrible. It was high school talent show material. The girl can do a heck of a Britney impression, she’s apparently a good opera singer but she’s a crap pop singer.

This may be wishful-thinking but I certainly think Amanda Overmyer’s Idol days are numbered. Not only did she come out last night looking like she had stuck her finger in a light socket but the DJ Tanner look-a-like completely butchered Kansas’ Carry on My Wayward Son, a song laden with instrumental breaks, as Randy pointed out. When watching this, I couldn’t help but wonder what former Kansas member and Destin resident the Rev. Dave Hope was thinking as Overmyer growled through the song’s melodies. This girl has been a one-trick pony from day one and I think last night her weaknesses really shown through.

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It was honestly difficult to pick the next Idol-wannabe to go home on the girls’ side after how bad everyone was last night but I think Lushington has done her best to ride the middle of the road and stay out of the cross-hairs as weaker contestants get picked off but I don’t think it’s long before America realizes that they have no idea who she is and that there’s probably a reason for that.