No, seriously…

Inmates communicate to each other through the toilet.

Domestic cats once roamed wild in North Africa.

Someone updated the wikipedia of wrestler Eric Benoit about the death of his wife — 13 hours before police arrived.

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The Worldwide Leader Andy Katz on players that were rewarded in last night’s draft for staying in school.

Are Knicks fans really betting on the low-post combination of Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph?

Shelly Anderson of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette telling the world that Amanda Beard posed in Playboy for the money… talk about burying the lead.

The Buffalo News is reporting that Daniel Briere has rejected the offer made by the Sabres earlier in the week.

Congratulations, Bulls! You now have the worst offensive frontcourt in the NBA. I’m going to make a wager that the combined PPG for Noah and Ben Wallace is under 20.

No more Berlin Fire/Hamburg Sea Devils instant classics… (cue emoticon: sad face)

Interesting headline on this story about the Mavs taking Nevada’s Nick Fazekas.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution has a great piece on Atlanta native Pacman Jones and “where things went wrong.” Despite the claims of some of the dopes in this piece, it seems Jones had a history of being a malcontent.

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Well-rounded news…

Myspace is for dorks.

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The iPhone 

All day and basically all week, I’ve been reading stories about these dopes who’ve camped out for tonight’s 6 p.m. release of Apple’s iPhone.

I think I’m an Apple TV away from being a certified Apple fanboy. I have an iPod, a Macbook, an Airport and I’ve even convinced my girlfriend to buy a Mac recently.  I even use a Mac Mini at work. But I’m not falling for this.

Apple has always been really good at re-inventing whatever they put their name on. Believe it or not, there were MP3 players before the iPod, now 3 of every 4 MP3 players sold is an iPod. And then they introduce the iPhone and you’d think that no one had ever seen a cell phone in their life.

The reason I’m not getting an iPhone isn’t because I see through Apple’s genius marketing and eye-catching packaging. No, I clearly do not see through those things. The reason I’m not buying an iPhone is that I need the cell phone in my pocket to do one thing and one thing only and that’s make phone calls.

I don’t need my cell phone to browse the internet with Safari (which I hate as a browser) or play MP3’s or hold pictures, I simply need to be able to dial numbers into it and get someone on the other end. That’s it.

I wish those who purchase the iPhone tonight the best of luck with the bugs and other glitches that always accompany the first run of a piece of hardware (just ask those who bought the first 360s).

I love Apple but I’ll pass on the iPhone.

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Denver Post sports writer Adrian Dater rips apart the Worldwide Leader, calling its talking heads, “a bunch of made-up clowns with microphones in hand.”

SI’s Richard Deitsch has an interesting Q&A with actor and Chicago sports nut John Cusack.

The Buffalo News is reporting that the Sabres have made an offer to free agent forward Daniel Briere. There is no word yet on whether the club is attempting to re-sign free agent and former captain Chris Drury.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette is reporting that Fox Sports Net has no intention of airing footage of a planned walk-out by fans at Saturday’s Pirates game. The fans are protesting management as the Bucs are well on their way to their 15th consecutive losing season. Hey Bud Selig, you wonder why baseball has become irrelevant, it’s because you’ve allowed the owners to get filthy stinking rich while the product on the field for most MLB teams stinks.

The Washington Post’s Michael Wilbon encourages NBA teams to draft big.

Georgia coach Mark Richt remembers a mission trip he and his family took to Honduras.

Ever wonder why sportswriters say hockey players are the easiest athletes to get along with? It’s because of stories like this.

The Dallas Morning News’ David Moore questions the plausibility of Kevin Garnett moving to Phoenix tonight in a draft day deal.

IGN explores one of Madden 08’s new features, Weapons.

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Well-rounded news..

Wired Magazine blog The Underwire wonders how good the new Disney/Pixar animated flick “Ratatouille” will be. If the review discussed in this post is any indication, it could be a good one. I’m planning to check it out Friday or Saturday night and could have a review up over the weekend or Monday morning. I do more than sports here, people.

Here are some reviews of the flick, none of which I will be reading prior to seeing the film.

Variety

Associated Press

Hollywood Reporter

Entertainment Weekly

Chicago Tribune

Seriously, who’s watching According to Jim?

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1. Greg Oden - C - Ohio State

2. Kevin Durant - F - Texas

3. Al Horford - F - Florida

4. Corey Brewer - F- Florida

5. Mike Conley Jr. - Ohio State - G

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No, seriously….

A six-month old baby girl is named after 25 different prize fighters.

A burglar called for a “time out” during a foot chase with police.

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SI.com’s Kevin Armstrong, most recently remembered by this blogger for slurping Duke lacrosse, is reporting that the Hoover football program is under investigation for alleged grade changing.

Writing for Slate, Paul Shirley ponders what would happen if Kobe and Kevin Garnett ended up on the same team.

In a column, today in the New York Post, Paul Schwartz calls on NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to begin docking teams who draft trouble players, a notion that I whole-heartedly agree with. I think too often teams are willing to take a flier on a guy with off-the-field issues if he’s talented enough. The league needs to ensure that doing so comes at a cost, Schwartz suggests draft picks or a tightened salary cap for those teams.

The New York Daily News is reporting that former Knick Allan Houston is planning a comeback and supposedly has a lot of interested parties, including, which shouldn’t surprise anyone, the Miami Heat. If they sign Houston, the median age of the Heat roster will be 56 years old.

Chris Webber is putting his personal collection of documents and letters from African-American leaders like Frederick Douglass, Malcom X, Muhammad Ali, Martin Luther King, Jr on display in Detroit. The exhibit will run through September.

Another column slurping the passion of Joakim Noah. This time its the Orlando Sentinel’s Dave Curtis.

The Dallas Morning News’ Tim Cowlishaw thinks the Cowboys should hold off giving QB Tony Romo a contract extension.

A very interesting piece in the New York Times about former Wisconsin forward Alando Tucker. Stephen Danley draws some very interesting comparisons to the perceived weaknesses of Tucker’s game and what some scouts believed Josh Howard’s weaknesses were coming out of Wake Forest four years ago.

The ASPCA has voted Georgia’s “Uga” as the most lovable mascot in all of college sports.

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While it’s widely understood that Isiah has no idea what he’s doing in New York as the Knicks have become the laughing stock of the league, Larry Bird  has gotten a pass from many in the state of Indiana for ruining a playoff caliber team.

Let’s examine last year’s offseason for the Pacers. Free agent Peja Stojakovic  is a free-agent and instead of resigning him, Bird opted to save their money and give it to Al Harrington — again. For those of you keeping track at home, Harrington and perpetual headache Stephen Jackson were dealt mid-season along with Sarunus Jasikevicius  to Golden State for Troy Murphy, Mike Dunleavy and Ike Diogu. Money well spent right? It gets better. The Pacers have a grand total of ZERO picks in tomorrow night’s draft because they gave away this year’s first round pick to Atlanta in the Harrington deal and traded their second round pick on draft night last year in a deal that brought James White to the Circle City, White was released before the start of the ‘06-’07 season.

I was fixing a smoothie in my kitchen when I first heard of the four-team trade that has since fell through between the Lakers, T-Wolves, Celtics and Pacers. A trade that would have, among other things, brought Kevin Garnett to the Lakers, sent Al Jefferson and the fifth overall pick to the T-Wolves, sent Jermaine O’Neal to the Celtics and .. wait for it.. brought Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum to the Pacers. “You’ve got to be kidding!” I said aloud, to no one in particular. But this is the kind of GM Larry Bird has been. He would trade J.O. for a Odom, who is a nice player but hardly a franchise player and Andrew Bynum, who averaged 8 points and 6 rebounds a game in his rookie season. Granted this deal fell through because O’Neal balked at the idea of playing in Boston and Kevin McHale finally regained function of his brain, I would not put it past Bird to move O’Neal. Despite his claims to do so, I do not believe that Bird will be able to get value for O’Neal who has been a perennial all-star the last 5 or so seasons.

It’s time to stop giving Larry Bird a pass because he’s “Larry Legend,” he’s made moves that have undermined the integrity of the franchise (bringing Marquis Daniels, who will be in court this week with teammates and all-around great guy Jamal Tinsley who will face a trial in Sept. in connection to a bar fight, to town). It’s time to show Larry the door.

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No, seriously…

Squirrels burned down the home of an Illinois man… twice.

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Good article today in the Washington Post by Les Carpenter on the fight over the NFLPA’s pension and disability plan. The way I feel about this is that the union and the NFL should make sure that, medically, players are taken care of after they leave the game because of how brutal a sport football is. Former players, however, are not entitled to dig into the pockets of current formers, despite their claims that they are. I’m working at a newspaper today and I certainly respect and admire those that came before me in this business but those people have no right to what I’m making today. And neither do the former players, many of whom resent what the kind of money today’s players are making.

Kevin Durant will be on the cover of EA Sports’ March Madness ‘08.

Penn State took action against 10 football players that took part in an off-campus fight that put one man in the hospital last year. Conveniently, none of them will be ineligible for the fall. Two of the players still face felony criminal charges.

Jay Mariotti says the Bears should have parted ways with Tank Johnson long ago.

Whoever is checking Andy Katz’s home for radon leaks may also want to fly to Detroit to inspect Jon Kitna’s crib. The quarterback told a Detroit radio station that the Lions are going to get at least 10 wins this year. I think that can happen.. oh wait.. 10 or more wins? Nevermind.

The Orlando Sentinel is reporting that the Magic are interested in acquiring free agent Rashard Lewis, the 6-10 forward averaged a career high 22.4 points last season. With a frontcourt of Rashard Lewis and Dwight Howard, the Magic become a very serious threat in the Eastern Conference. Think Billy Donovan is having second thoughts?

The SEC is cracking down on class attendance. Following a policy set forth by the University of Georgia where the athletic department fined and suspended its athletes for missing classes and academic appointments, the conference is requiring all of its member schools to have some sort of attendance policy in place.

The Denver Post’s Woody Paige is suggesting John Elway help mentor Jay Cutler.

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Andy Katz may want to have his home and/or his office at the Worldwide Leader checked for a radon leak.

My problems with Katz’s article on Joakim Noah started at the top and by the end had me worked into an absolute frenzy.

The first graph of Katz’s story:

“Joakim Noah has been the face of college basketball the past two seasons.”

I couldn’t disagree more, especially given that the two most notable players in all of college basketball last season were two freshmen who are locks to be the number 1 and number 2 picks in the NBA draft later this month, one of which was the National Player of the Year.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: there was no more overrated player in all of college basketball than Joakim Noah. Katz astutely points out that Noah has two things that Oden and Durant don’t: two national championship rings but come on, Andy. If you put Durant or Oden on those Florida teams with Corey Brewer, Al Horford, Lee Humphries and Taurean Green they beat every team they play by 65 points.

Noah’s constant “look at me” show isn’t going to fly on a team full of seasoned veterans. In “The League” he can’t be getting into scuffles with opposing coaches like he did this year with Vandy’s Kevin Stallings or swatting the pom-poms of cheerleaders out of his face.  What Katz confuses with passion and fire is really arrogance and bravado. More talk and less walk.

I think what bothered me most about Noah as a college player was the fact that he got as much attention as he did, much of which he called to himself by doing completely stupid, almost spastic dances at half court and pounding his chest like a dope any time he did pretty much anything he did but for all that attention, his game didn’t back it up. In his three years in Gainesville, Noah averaged 12 and 6. In an embarrassing moment for Billy Donovan, Dick Vitale accidentally told two Tennessee radio hosts that the coach was adamant that Al Horford would be a much better NBA player than Noah. Though the coach attempted to perform some damage control, Donovan never took back what he said or denied having the conversation with Vitale. Pretty telling, don’t you think?

Noah will be a marginal player in the NBA, at best. Can you picture Noah trying to post up Amare Stoudemire or Dwight Howard? And I doubt that Ben Wallace or Al Jefferson is going to let Noah hang around the basket to get those garbage buckets that accounted for most of his production at Florida. To his credit, Noah is a scrappy player that isn’t afraid to mix it up but the same can be said for Jeff Foster or Anderson Varejeo. Lacking size and speed, Noah is not a threat to penetrate like Andrei Kirilenko and has a terrible outside shot so there will be no Nowitzki comparisons here.

Whoever takes Noah on June 28 should think long and hard about what they’re drafting. Are they drafting Noah’s game or his mouth?

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Bears GM Jerry Angelo issued a statement on the team’s website saying:

“We are upset and embarrassed by Tank’s actions last week,”  Angelo said . “He compromised the credibility of our organization. We made it clear to him that he had no room for error. Our goal was to help someone through a difficult period in his life, but the effort needs to come from both sides. It didn’t, and we have decided to move on.”

Friday night, Johnson was pulled over in Arizona and cited for “being impaired to the slightest degree.” Evidently having a virtual arsenal of guns and ammunition in a home full of children is ok with the Bears but driving with a buzz is simply unacceptable.

Normally, I would support this kind of thing. I think guys like Tank Johnson and Pacman Jones have no place in the NFL but this seems off to me. A blood sample was taken from Johnson, which could determine whether or not he was impaired. I applaud the Bears for taking a stand but this seems too little, too late. They didn’t seem to be too embarrassed by Johnson’s behavior when he was trying to get a judge to let him travel to the Super Bowl. The Bears are taking a stand of convenience. This move by Bears management is transparent and gutless.

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No, seriously…..

Giant asian carp have invaded the waterways of the Central U.S., leaping from the water and smacking boaters in the head.

A Florida man is dead after an argument that started over a game of Yahtzee ended in a fatal stabbing. And you thought hitting up strip clubs with Pacman Jones was dangerous..

A Minnesota man has been charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct and ordered to pay more than $2,000 after he attempted to pay a parking ticket he’d received with dog feces.

The Supreme Court ruled that a 14-year-old teenager did not have the right to post a 14-foot banner near his high school advocating “Bong Hits 4 Jesus.”
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EA Sports has announced that it will host a free fantasy football league on its site for the upcoming NFL season. I still think Yahoo has the easiest and most user-friendly fantasy football leagues. EA is offering live scoring for free.. hmmm…

Jets guard Pete Kendall has publicly blasted the organization for launching a “smear campaign” against him as he continues to complain about his contract. I could be wrong but wasn’t Kendall given his walking papers by the Cardinals for similar issues? This guy is a malcontent and the Jets should cut him before this spills over into the season.

White guys can jump

More on Hep from the Louisville Courier-Journal.

Will the Big Ten network be on basic cable?

Oklahoma head coach Bob Stoops says the OU quarterback competition isn’t an issue for him, despite the fact that he doesn’t have a quarterback. An open quarterback competition going into the season, as Mark Richt how that worked out at Georgia last year.

An interesting column in The Oklahoman today about Patriots WR Wes Welker, a player I firmly believe to be one of the most overrated talents in the league. Let’s face it, the guy is a glorified Tim Dwight.

A great column in the San Fransisco Chronicle by Scott Ostler about former Giants pitcher Rod Beck who was found dead at age 38 over the weekend.

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